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SoulStewards
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Name: Soul
Interests: Training and equipping soul stewards for their awesome obligation.Sharing the joys and sorrows of soul stewardship.Delighting in the One Steward on whom our own life and ministry depends.
Expertise: Confidentiality.Your email address will be kept strictly confidential, never rented or sold. You may use your real name or a screen name in blog discussions, choosing your own level of privacy. All blog discussions are "protected": only registered members can see them. You can edit or delete your own posts, though you might never feel the need. Here, you are among friends.
Occupation: Discipler
Industry: Pastoral Care
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
9/4/2005
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| This past weekend I (Nic) took my teenage son to go camping at Joshua Tree. Camping anytime with any of my kids is always fun, and I make it my goal to include an object lesson or life lesson of some sort in every campout.
But this time it was different. This time, the goal was to create a life-changing experience to catalyze a shift of perspective and identity-- from "boy" to "man".
I spent months preparing this experience and tailoring it to my son in particular. In the process, I developed a basic pattern that anyone can adapt to their own teen or pre-teen. It will also work well in group settings, for a Scout patrol for instance, or with extended family. This was intended to be done along with my two brothers, so that it would be "the men of the family" welcoming my son into their company as a peer. His grandfathers would have enjoyed being involved as well, but with the complexities of life these days, as it turned out, it was just "father and son." Because my son is a fairly strong introvert, and had no expectations for the weekend, this was perfectly fine with him.
In this case, I mostly surprised my son. He could tell that something was up, because of all the extra (and rather secretive) packing involved, but I did not explicitly prepare him for this experience. In the future, I will do this differently. Certain steps of this rite of passage would be greatly enriched by some advance preparation, and anticipation can be as powerful as surprise.
Here, then, is the script I followed for this Rite of Passage, which at the time I called the Labyrinth to Manhood. (see the first comment, below, for a diagram of this simple and time-honored concept)
Tonight is a magic night. Tonight you will be transformed.
As of this night, you will no longer be what you have always been.
The sun set this evening on an old boy, Nathaniel Nelson.
When the sun rises tomorrow morning, it will rise on a young man… Nathaniel Nelson.
But you must be willing to surrender to the One who can perform the transformation. Will you trust him, surrender to him?
I will.
Step One is to “Let Go”.
The first step in transformation is to let go of what you were. You were a child. 1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. The old habits and treasures of childhood will hinder you if you cling to them now. Where are your treasures?
[present childhood treasures: one of every color Zoob Dude building elements, one toa, one plastic dinosaur, and his old teddy bear]
Will you let go of them?
I will.
[offer childhood treasures to the fire]
Nathaniel, Nathaniel!
Here I am!
Do not lay any of your treasures in the fire! Now I know that you desire maturity, because you have not withheld from me your treasures, your childhood treasures. Look, here in the thicket is a box. Take the box and store your treasures there. In your journey through life, these will be set aside but not lost, left behind but not forgotten.
Step One is complete, but the transformation is not.
It is not enough to put childish ways and things behind you.
Next you need clean hands and a clean heart.
Step Two is to “Cleanse”.
The second step in transformation is to prepare yourself to receive the privileges and responsibilities of your new identity. Leviticus 20:7 "Consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am the LORD your God. 8Keep my decrees and follow them. I am the LORD, who makes you holy." As Aslan peeled the dragonflesh from Eustace (The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, p.89-91), so you will be cleansed, but in this world it is by the fire of holiness, the water of love, and the word of forgiveness and grace.
Fire: [write on this index card the sins you cannot shed, that make you callous, the rough scales that cause harm when others rub you the wrong way… ask the LORD to tell you what he wants to peel away]
[cast the card with those sins into the (camp-)fire of holiness]
Water: [wash hands in the basin, while saying Ephesians 5:1-20 aloud.]
If the weather had been warmer: Father wash son’s feet, while paraphrasing Ephesians 5:25-27: “Fathers, love your sons, just as Christ loved the tribe of God and gave himself up for it 26to make it holy, cleansing it by the washing with water through the word, 27 to present the tribe to himself as a radiant army of tender warriors, without stain or cowardice or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”
Word: [Father place hands on head or shoulders of son] There is power in speaking aloud what is true. First John 1:8-9 is true. “8If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Son, you are forgiven, and you are cleansed.
Step Two is complete, but the transformation is not.
It is not enough to empty your hands and come clean.
Next you must press on to take up the responsibilities and privileges of manhood.
Step Three is “Take Hold”.
There are four keys to manhood, four pillars of a man’s heart. The responsibilities and privileges of each one are represented in the four gifts that await you at this station.
Friend: Men are kind and loyal, and seek the company of like-minded companions. The members of the Fellowship of the Ring wore elven cloaks as a symbol of their fellowship. [give elven cloak] These cloaks were more than a common uniform—like Friendship, they gave warmth and protection in a thousand different ways, and were in the end the most valuable possession those adventurers had. Tonight I welcome you into our Fellowship, as a fellow man… a Nelson man, a Christian man, a Friend.
[clothe him with Friendship]
Mentor: “Men are somehow supposed to know about life. Men are supposed to teach life.” But it is easy to lose your way in the confusion and profusion of life. You need a way to get your bearings, and keep them even in a fog or storm or battle. [give compass] This represents the ability to take those bearings. To discover what is right and wrong, what is noble and false, what is valuable and worthless—to discover which way the Lord is leading.
Men also, like Mentor with Telemachus, come alongside others to share their wisdom, abilities, and connections. I will do that for you; so must you do this for others. Look for opportunities to share your insights, skills and networks with others.
The Mystic is a band of influential people who “Resist the status quo wherever it suffocates the spirit of humanity.” I formally invite you to join us. This is our operations manual [give The Barbarian Way, by Erwin McManus]. Along with M-1 himself I can honestly say, “You belong here.”
[bless him with influence]
King: Men exercise authority. For this you will need vision and character and strength of will. The authority itself will come in time, bit by bit. Some you will be given, some you will earn, and some will be thrust upon you whether you want it or not. It is not in my power to grant you the authority to drive, to vote, or to enter into legal contracts, although I believe you are mature enough to do those things wisely. But as a sign and foretaste of the authority you will later receive, over every sphere of life, I give you these. [give housekeys & fob] With these you have, and can grant to others, access to our home and everything in it. And you make fire (the keyfob contains matches). Abuse this authority and you invite destruction. Honor this authority and power, and you will be given more. Jesus in Luke 16 says “10Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. 11So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches?”
[grant him access & authority]
Warrior: Men strive, and fight, and sacrifice greatly for great victories. Men work long and hard for worthwhile things. Men protect the innocent and defend those who are weak. Life is war, and as a man, you are a warrior. The only question is, what kind of warrior will you be?
In days of old, warriors were often recognized by their personal weapons. El Cid’s sword was as famous as his face. Napoleon’s foot-soldiers were faceless but their practical cutlasses were infamous. Take up a samurai’s sword and an image of the warrior springs instantly to the imagination. Tonight I wear my own sword, which reflects my heritage and personality. Here is the sort of warrior I believe you are. [give him his own sword] This is not just a token of the warrior you are called to be, but of the greater sword you are called to wield: Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”
Of course, I don’t wear my sword-token every day. I wear a more practical version that serves a similar purpose in our modern urban context. [show Leatherman] Here’s yours. [give the Gerber multitool]
[arm him with utilitarian strength and the tools for godly warfare]
Step Three is complete, but the transformation is not.
It is not enough to empty your hands, come clean, and then take hold of the gifts and role of manhood.
Next you must honor the Giver.
Step Four is “Mark the Way”.
When Old Testament patriarchs and prophets were transformed from one degree of wisdom (or glory) to another, they often built altars or memorial stones to mark the occasion, or they gave names to the places where God changed them. This serves at least three purposes: it is an appropriate act of thanks and praise to the Transformer, the creative act helped them reflect upon and digest what had happened, it served as a reminder to them in the future of who and what they had become, and it marked the way for those who would follow them.
Never forget those who watch you, those who will follow you, those who may be changed by the change they see in you. Jacob named the rock where he saw the ladder of God. Isaac named the wells he dug throughout the Promised Land. Abraham named the memorial stones and altars he built, and made sacrifices to serve God in a demon-haunted land.
What will you create, to honor what happened to you here?
What name will you give it, to remind you
(and to inspire others to ask you)
what happened to you here?
With this Fourth Step, your transformation is complete. You have set aside childish things, come clean, taken up the tokens of masculine responsibility, and honored Him who grants them to you, to all of us.
Welcome, young man, to the fellowship of men.
[affix elven brooch to cloak!]
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| As small group leaders, we care deeply for those we shepherd. For their sake, and for Christ too, we pray for them, listen to them, encourage them, and do our best to inspire and equip them to serve others in their unique ways.
Temptation distracts, deludes and destroys. It alienates us from one another. It is the root and fuel of all that undermines our small groups. We can almost overhear God speaking to our precious people, saying "Sin is crouching at your door. It desires to have you, but you must master it" (Genesis 4:7).
There are plenty of other obstacles to the fullness of koinonia, the communal harmony of relationship and purpose, in our small groups. Differences in culture, personality, politics, communication, expectation, and all the other complicated ingredients of small group dynamics, are all valid and significant challenges that you address every week. But the personal struggle vs. temptation within each person’s soul will undermine all our best practices in these other areas.
If we can help people master temptation, even half-baked attempts to address other small group leadership challenges will work out much better.
Our 1.25-day seminar will equip you with insight, ideas and a menu of practical tools to master temptation. both individually and as a small group. Since your group must first WANT to master temptation (we discourage forcing curricula on any group of adults), we also walk you through the process of sowing and nurturing a desire to master temptation, how to awaken a hunger for personal holiness and interpersonal righteousness in those you lead. Once you have succeeded in that, your strategies for mastering temptation will be welcome solutions to a problem they want to solve.
However, if the strategies you present meet their felt need but are not relevant to their context, or do not seem practicable or appealing, there will be little enthusiasm to continue.
Our seminar does not present a one-size-fits-all formula. Instead, we train you to craft your own unique approach to mastering temptation, one that will be customized for your specific group. We give you the tools you need and the understanding to use them, and then a wide selection of raw material for you to use as you develop your own plan.
We will also provide ongoing encouragement and oversight if you so desire, through this website and (when possible) a personal visit or phone consultation. After completing the seminar you will be able to log onto this blog and chat with other soul stewards, share your own insights and ideas, and work through knotty problems with other stewards like yourself.
If you care enough for your people that you want to help them stand firm against temptation, you belong here. This seminar, this blog, this community of soul stewards is for you. Send us an email telling us about yourself and your interest, and we will be delighted to send you more information.
"For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace."
Romans 6:14 | | |
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